Why Some People Tear Others Down
I have a dear friend who has experienced this with someone at her church for some time believe it or not. There are a few gossips and busybodies there too. It is evident to me that none of these offenders have a real relationship with Jesus – to be acquainted with Him is reflected in love for others and appropriate conduct. If someone has unseemly behavior, something is wrong – sometimes you have to ask yourself if they really know Jesus? Maybe not!
The Following Advice "in quotation marks" is from James George
(The rest is from me)
He is a caring person with some good insights
"No matter what we do in life, there can be someone at some stage who has something negative to say but some people like to tear others down, not just you – please remember this. Sometimes they find every fault that you have and exploit it to make you feel bad about yourself. They want to demolish someone’s confidence. It’s frustrating to hurt your feelings and it makes you feel like you’re insignificant. So why does this happen? Why do people feel like they have to tear others down and
make them feel bad?"
There are a lot of reasons for that which relates to someone’s past or present situation. Unloving and unsupportive parents or spouse, circumstances that have made them bitter and it’s sometimes concealed. You could have a happy or peaceful disposition and they envy you or you could be making progress in life and they don’t know how to.
"Yes the reality is that the main reason most people tear others down is because they are unhappy with themselves or life itself. It’s strange I know – the reason they tear others down is because they are unhappy with things they don’t seem able to change. Maybe they’re not as successful as they wanted to be. Maybe they’re not living up to their own expectations and they don’t want to see us surpass them. So, in turn, they try to tear us down so we feel lesser than they are."
"The psychology behind this is if you don’t have the confidence in yourself to succeed, then you most likely won’t. They find our faults and embarrass us, tearing down our credibility. We have something they want or wish they had."
"When someone tries to tear you down, just remember they have faults of their own. There’s not a person on this planet who is perfect. Someone recommended making a mental note of their faults, and list them in your mind, for this purpose, to remind you they’re not perfect either. So assess their life and their success, their disappointments whatever and you’ll understand why they’re trying to tear you down. They may have just had a very bad upbringing and they have a message to tell the world but it’s easier one person at a time – if it isn’t you it would be someone else."
They are where they are for a reason.
Don’t ever settle for being where you are.
Listen to people who have the things you want in life.
Some of these people can try to tear down the very person who is helping them or become incredibly demanding of your time. So we should consider carefully sometimes, who we help in life – especially if you have family because you don’t want to reach the point of overwhelm with kiddies to look after. We need to be there for our loved ones, not distant with our thoughts in a quandary. Families can feel neglected when our attention is somewhere else.
And if you're single, there could be someone who would appreciate your help and company - they would make you feel good because they value your time or friendship. So if you are a compassionate person and have empathy for others, please do not take on anyone who may be out of your depth - some people need Behavior Modification from someone trained in that field. Instead, re-orientate yourself with better company and pursue some helpful life-skills.
I do hope that some of these insights help you.